New Years'

Wow, Aina's posting thrice in a month! Whatever happened to her being "busy" all the time?
I still am, except I'm avoiding it for as long as possible. Additionally, December is this blog's official anniversary month, so it's extra special.

Plus, December brings so much material to write about. The lack of snow, the hatred for shopping, the societal pressures of not being alone on New Years' Eve. It's an eventful month of the year.

Today we're going to talk about New Years', because I find the concept ridiculous. I read somewhere that it's not officially the new year until the time reaches America, so we still have have about 2 hours to work with here.
The absurdity of celebrating on December thirty-first begins on the 26th, which, yes, is right after the twenty-fifth, which, yes, is Christmas. Right after people finish being thankful and saying their prayers around a table with their closest family, they go right out and start hoarding to party, because humans are twisted things. Stores deck their halls with ridiculous hats which are completely unacceptable to wear any other day of the year. The leftovers from the Halloween sales also come right out, because some people don't want to wait until the next year to dress up. In fact, the celebration of New Years is a combination of every other holiday in that year that didn't get celebrated enough. It's the filler. Thanksgiving, Easter, Martin Luther King Jr. Day, Halloween, Christmas, etc; they're all mixed together to create the wildest bash of the year.  By wild, I mean completely without theme. Every holiday has a theme, right. This holiday doesn't have one, meaning people love it ten times as more.

Another issue we have to talk about is New York. Thousands of people gather in suffocating areas to celebrate another year of disappointment. The ball drop was one of the most overrated things I ever sat down to watch, and bear in mind that I've sat through three Super Bowls. 

Up until last year I actually thought that when the clock hit 12, then the city of New York dropped (literally, dropped) this gigantic ball made of shiny things and it crashed with such a force that pieces of it went everywhere. I have no idea why my mind decided to concur such an intense imagery. I legitimately thought it was the coolest thing. I spent an hour browsing the internet trying to find a video that had every element that an intense ball dropping video should.
All that literally happened was a shiny sphere floating very slowly down a pole while people rejoiced and got high on intoxicating fluids. There was no sudden crashing and definitely no glass flying in the air. I was very disappointed, to say the least.

Now, like any common elderly member of society, instead of being entertained by Dubai's magnificent use of fire, I grumble about what a waste of money everything is. I'm not even joking. I find it hard to be delighted when global warming is alive and present, (there's still no snow, for pete's sake) 

But, by far, the worst part about being hyped for New Years' is the amount of false expectations you inject in yourself.

Every year, humans vow to better themselves, despite failing the previous year and the year before the previous year and the year before the year before the previous year-

basically, they've been putting off the gym for the past ten years. We're not going to talk about it because we're all collectively ashamed. 

I thought about this for a while. I said to myself, "Aina, why aim for such huge goals, if you know you're never going to reach the level of motivation needed to get to such huge amounts of amazing-ness?"

So, I did the right thing. I never made a resolution after that. Now some of you are thinking, "That's terribly pessimistic! At least I have the effort to try!" 

See, but you've been trying the previous year and the year before the previous year and the year before the year before the previous year-

This way, I never feel a sinking feeling in my stomach at the end of the year. I used to be the kind of person who outlined their months out and made bucket lists that I knew I'd never complete. This way, I never set any real expectations! And if I do ever feel a sudden urge to better myself, I do it smack-dab in the start of September, when the aroma of school knocks me out of my senses.

Happy New Year.

It's Not December.

It’s December.

Does it feel like December? No.

The weather’s been fantastic here in Michigan. If you’re not in Michigan and you’re reading this in Siberia, sorry.

As of today over here, the temperature is a record-breaking 63 degrees Fahrenheit. This is how good our Spring gets. The temperature hasn’t been like this since 1893.

Many of the people are yelling “GLOBAL WARMING!! THIS IS ALL HUMANITY’S FAULT!! WE’RE GOING TO HAVE SUCH A WARM, DULL CHRISTMAS!” Their neighbors look at these people concernedly because these people were the only ones on the block who nearly burned the neighborhood down on July 4th.

We had snow once this month and that was it. Everyone was overjoyed, of course. Everyone likes snow that looks pretty.

The obsession for snow only lasts about two weeks in total. All the snowmen, snow angels, and snowball fights occur in those two weeks. No one touches the snow after that. Everyone starts complaining about how gloomy everything is. Then you, as a lover of every season no matter what, will tell them to kindly be quiet. These people will automatically say “It’s just...I like snow, but like, I hate it when it’s all smushy and brown??” Such people need to be banished off of Earth. They can go to Mars where as far as it’s been discovered, free of snow. Free of snow and life.

All the photographers come out in those two weeks. They go in the middle of Times Square and take pictures of the snow falling. Usually they take these pictures while New York experiences a severe blizzard. The photographers nearly die trying to get good shots, but it’s all in the name of photography. Later in the day, when they’ve recovered from frostbite, they open up Instagram and bring up that one perfect picture. They add a filter which makes it look wonderful and festive. People from around the world see the picture. “Oh, how I wish it snowed here in ______!” They say. The photographer grins wildly. No one will know they almost died trying to make snow look so unthreatening.

Gifts You Should (Not) Buy

Naturally, bloggers at this time of year transform their blogs into complete holiday decor. There's snow falling onto their posts, every single photograph has fairy lights in the back, and you can practically smell peppermint through the screen.

Let's change it up then, shall we.

As holiday season approaches, instead of rambling about how great we are at shopping two weeks beforehand, let's talk about how great we aren't. How great we aren't at pretending that we adore the gifts we receive. How great we aren't at maneuvering through December. Let's make everything the opposite.

Starting from today:

Today we're going to be talking about Gifts You Should (Not) Buy 

1) Socks. 

I don't care if you're buying this for your great grandfather who's cold 24/7, just don't. Why? I mean, if you're seriously concerned about why he's freezing at any given time of the year, get him socks just any other month. Don't give socks to people as holiday presents. That's lame. 

2) Sweaters. 

I don't celebrate Christmas, but I read everywhere that Christmas sweaters are dubbed the "ugly sweaters." I don't even find them particularly ugly, but don't give out sweaters that are already negatively named. If you're a grandmother reading this, you are no exception. I know it's tough, but NO SWEATERS.

3) Candles.

I don't understand this obsession for candles. Sure, yeah, they smell great, but how many can you possibly have? It's outrageous. Plus, do you like, light it once and then save it? And use a different one in the meantime? Do you have a bunch of half-used candles sitting around? The thought is making me nervous. FINISH THE CANDLES! DON'T GIVE THEM OUT AS GIFTS! LET PEOPLE FINISH THEIR HALF-USED ONES! 

4) Board Games

Unless it's something cool like Monopoly, (my siblings and I have still not finished our game. We started three years ago and have still not come to an agreement.) or Risk or Life or Stratego, don't give kids board games. Elders, perhaps, yes, you could give them board games, because it makes them feel better about not using technology. 

5) Anything Elmo-related

I don't know what it is with Elmo and adults, because they seem to think that this red monster is the toy every child wants. Let me tell you a deep, dark secret:

they don't. 

It's shocking, I know.

Elmo is absolutely terrifying when the batteries start to die, and fun fact: the batteries start dying .2 seconds after you've opened the box. His voice fades into this screechy thing that activates itself sometimes. Plus, there's a bunch of versions of Elmo toys, from Hawaii Elmo to Big Hugs Elmo (what??) to Rock 'n Roll Elmo to Hokey Pokey Elmo to the absolute menace itself, Tickle Me Elmo.

It will never stop laughing. 

Here's a picture I found of someone's collection of Elmo. Credit goes to "MNicoleM," although Ms. Nicole, I have no idea how you could look at this and not be terrified. Everyone likes different things, I guess.

Where dreams go to die.

6) Anything that has to do with physical activity.

That's not even a thing anymore. Where have you been.

7) Anything that has just newly come out in the field of technology.

I know you think you're going to be the coolest aunt/uncle/niece/nephew/etc by giving out the latest Apple phone (What version is it, again) but you're really, really not. Because the chances are extremely high that your recipient already has that item. There is a techie in everyone's family, and they will get that item the day it comes out, and at worst, the week it comes out . If you deny the fact that oh there's no techie in my family, we keep our old traditions alive and prospering, in fact i have a butter churn in the back room, I can tell you right now that if there is not one visible tech-obsessed human in your family, then there is a hidden one. Don't give technology, or you'll have to sit through pained looks while people realize that oh, i already have this, then you'll watch as their face morphs into damn, this would go so easy on eBay. Thanks, Uncle Bob!

By now, you're probably like, "Well Aina, what are we supposed to give out then? You've already eliminated clothing, toys, electronic toys, and razor scooters!" 

Let me tell you something I haven't eliminated yet, and that's Kitchen Appliances, which, by the way, do not. 

In fact, this holiday season, don't give anything at all! Relish the time you have with your family and friends. Share the fresh, homemade, churned butter at the dining table, with fairy lights illuminating the softness of the yellow block. 

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